do you believe in taking your own advice?
i never did. i am one person who can dish out advice as good as the next person but never seem to be able to take it. i guess it seems pretty much logical that from an external point of view, things look much more clearer and we often tend to neglect to factor in intangible stuff, like feelings (which in the end, mattered the most). but when you are enthralled into such a problem, more often than not, you could not be so objective.
which is really ironical because i give out advice on a frequent basis. as a counsellor on a teenage website (of course i can't tell you which), its practically my job to dish out decent (ok, at least semi-decent; no one died on my watch before) advice.
but this time, surprisingly, i am. it didn't take too long to make a decision. just a bus ride and a walk down memory lane. the walk wasn't too dreadful as initially thought out to be. ignore my previous post because although it is true that it is much easier to have someone to rain blame on, ultimately, you are not facing the music.
i would have to say that knowing you was one of the better things that happened to me in life but it is honestly just too bad that things have turned out this way. maybe its nobody's fault but like said, shit sometimes just happen.
you will never know about the visits to popular bookshop at bukit timah nor the jogs to bukit merah macdonald's and the many many things that had happened in the course of year 2006. and it's meant to be kept that way because these were places and memories that are held dear.
maybe what i heard yesterday is all true. the inferences made indeed held water. it was sad that i had to hear the words from someone whom i didn't really think too highly of but nonetheless, i feel the need to thank the person who told me all that was needed to know. the knowledge granted was indeed sufficient, to my own standards at least, to make an informed choice.
i read the entries of my past blog and read about those days when i still believed in hope. foolishly, maybe. but still hope, nonetheless. it is said that when a man loses hope, he loses everything. this is especially true because i have to admit that i am indeed more pessimistic, more inclined to give things up and more untrustworthy of everything around me.
others may have known this as a change. more cynical, definitely. more brooding, not so much because i don't display too much of it. but it is agreed that i've changed. i know it myself deep down too. i just mask this with an excuse that nothing remains constant forever.
after reading the entries of my past blog and that of my journal, i realised that i had given up back then because it was simply much too painful, for anyone to comprehend, to hold on anymore. the decision still sticks although someone said to me today, "the worst you can do to anyone is to give up on that person". i have not given up, i know it. but at the very least, i am trying to forget. it is not much of an improvement but it is the only best shot i am willing to try to take.
in a nutshell, i am glad that things have gone better for you. i am, really. much as i hope to be beside you, i know that this is all only on my own sided view and none of it is your stand. as a rule of thumb, i hate to impose myself on others and this time is no difference. i've said my piece throughout those times when i said that i will be there for you and all but it is just too bad that you don't appreciate it. i was willing to be there through thick and thin, rain or shine but you just kept pushing and pushing and pushing me away.
when i left, i didnt bring any ounce of self dignity and pride with me. it took me nearly 2 entire years to pick myself up and to try and live life again. i have no agenda, except to hope that you are happy, will be happy.
maybe it is this entire episode that made me mistrustful of people, that i could never truly fit in to anywhere anymore. no, i am not blaming you but just stating a fact. you taught me many things and i am thankful for that. there was no one else that made me so comfortable to be with and i know that feeling will never be experienced by me again. but i still made that choice.
在理性与感性之中，我还是选择了理性。
it could be like the passing of a typhoon. a sudden upheaval of wind just blew my life out of proportion and when the typhoon left, all that is left is mindless calm, debris and me, alone, trying to pick up the pieces.
i know i will keep thinking of what might have been if i chose to stick around but honestly, why put myself in the position to be subjected to your hurtful (you might say that it is the truth but don't you know that truth hurts) comments and the chance that things will just blow up in my face again? at least the ball is in my court.
but the journey is complete. suddenly, i realised that i have stopped believing in miracles anymore. the blog is aptly named too. "the surrealist notion - liberalism" have i finally been freed? from the cages of this abyss?
就此亡笔
祝
幸福
i never did. i am one person who can dish out advice as good as the next person but never seem to be able to take it. i guess it seems pretty much logical that from an external point of view, things look much more clearer and we often tend to neglect to factor in intangible stuff, like feelings (which in the end, mattered the most). but when you are enthralled into such a problem, more often than not, you could not be so objective.
which is really ironical because i give out advice on a frequent basis. as a counsellor on a teenage website (of course i can't tell you which), its practically my job to dish out decent (ok, at least semi-decent; no one died on my watch before) advice.
but this time, surprisingly, i am. it didn't take too long to make a decision. just a bus ride and a walk down memory lane. the walk wasn't too dreadful as initially thought out to be. ignore my previous post because although it is true that it is much easier to have someone to rain blame on, ultimately, you are not facing the music.
i would have to say that knowing you was one of the better things that happened to me in life but it is honestly just too bad that things have turned out this way. maybe its nobody's fault but like said, shit sometimes just happen.
you will never know about the visits to popular bookshop at bukit timah nor the jogs to bukit merah macdonald's and the many many things that had happened in the course of year 2006. and it's meant to be kept that way because these were places and memories that are held dear.
maybe what i heard yesterday is all true. the inferences made indeed held water. it was sad that i had to hear the words from someone whom i didn't really think too highly of but nonetheless, i feel the need to thank the person who told me all that was needed to know. the knowledge granted was indeed sufficient, to my own standards at least, to make an informed choice.
i read the entries of my past blog and read about those days when i still believed in hope. foolishly, maybe. but still hope, nonetheless. it is said that when a man loses hope, he loses everything. this is especially true because i have to admit that i am indeed more pessimistic, more inclined to give things up and more untrustworthy of everything around me.
others may have known this as a change. more cynical, definitely. more brooding, not so much because i don't display too much of it. but it is agreed that i've changed. i know it myself deep down too. i just mask this with an excuse that nothing remains constant forever.
after reading the entries of my past blog and that of my journal, i realised that i had given up back then because it was simply much too painful, for anyone to comprehend, to hold on anymore. the decision still sticks although someone said to me today, "the worst you can do to anyone is to give up on that person". i have not given up, i know it. but at the very least, i am trying to forget. it is not much of an improvement but it is the only best shot i am willing to try to take.
in a nutshell, i am glad that things have gone better for you. i am, really. much as i hope to be beside you, i know that this is all only on my own sided view and none of it is your stand. as a rule of thumb, i hate to impose myself on others and this time is no difference. i've said my piece throughout those times when i said that i will be there for you and all but it is just too bad that you don't appreciate it. i was willing to be there through thick and thin, rain or shine but you just kept pushing and pushing and pushing me away.
when i left, i didnt bring any ounce of self dignity and pride with me. it took me nearly 2 entire years to pick myself up and to try and live life again. i have no agenda, except to hope that you are happy, will be happy.
maybe it is this entire episode that made me mistrustful of people, that i could never truly fit in to anywhere anymore. no, i am not blaming you but just stating a fact. you taught me many things and i am thankful for that. there was no one else that made me so comfortable to be with and i know that feeling will never be experienced by me again. but i still made that choice.
在理性与感性之中，我还是选择了理性。
it could be like the passing of a typhoon. a sudden upheaval of wind just blew my life out of proportion and when the typhoon left, all that is left is mindless calm, debris and me, alone, trying to pick up the pieces.
i know i will keep thinking of what might have been if i chose to stick around but honestly, why put myself in the position to be subjected to your hurtful (you might say that it is the truth but don't you know that truth hurts) comments and the chance that things will just blow up in my face again? at least the ball is in my court.
but the journey is complete. suddenly, i realised that i have stopped believing in miracles anymore. the blog is aptly named too. "the surrealist notion - liberalism" have i finally been freed? from the cages of this abyss?
就此亡笔
祝
幸福
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